Rusty Angel
by Hiryu Kaga
Summary: My first songfic, so bear with me. On relations between Shinji and Asuka. Author Idiocy Warning applies. ;)


**RUSTY ANGEL**   
by Hiryu Kaga   
to _Rusty Angels_ by Black Sabbath

* * *

_They say you came from Heaven   
But I know it's not the truth_

Remember? The prettiest, most popular girl in school. That was you. You entered my life like a hurricane. 

_'Cause I don't think an angel   
Could look nything like you_

And you brought me only pain. My life had been terrible before, like Purgatory. You made it hell. You brought me more suffering than Angels, than Evangelion, than my father. 

_Your eyes are made from sapphires   
And your heart is made from stone_

I never wanted it this way. I never could hurt you... I wanted to be close to you. But you pushed me away, time after time, never accepting my friendship. 

_You've got to be the closest thing to hate   
I've ever known_

I could never admit how much I felt this.   
I hate you. I hate you so much, I've started hating myself for it...all because of you. 

_And if I didn't know better I'd say  
you had come alone  
to the party _

I'm not the only one you pushed away, but others don't mind. I do. That's why I hate you. 

_The light is always shining   
But you swear that it's gone black_

Whatever I did, you were always against me. You hated my friends, you hated me, you hated...her... Whenever I said "I'm sorry", you would call me a wimp. 

_The tide is always turning   
But you're never looking back_

You never changed for better, only for worse. You were arrogant and agressive. You even hated your family, even though you were lucky to have one, surrogate or not. I never had that luck. You were a bitch. A mean, psychotic bitch. 

_If I didn't know better I'd say  
times were pretty bad_

I don't know if you were afraid of anything and I didn't care before. 

_The gifts you bring are fire   
And your dreams they turned to dust_

Maybe you were. You definitely feared to lose. Is this why you hated me so much when you failed? I came to comfort you, to take you home. And you pushed me away again. When you told me how you hated me, I realized...that I felt the same way about you. 

_Your flying days are over   
And your wings have turned to rust_

It felt...good when you failed again. To see you being taught a lesson in humility. If not for...her..., I could have walked up to you when they brought you in, and laugh in your face. 

_If I didn't know better, I'd say   
All you had is lost_

Yes, I hate you. This feeling is so strong, I don't know if I could give it up for anything. When they found you unconscious and almost dead, I thought that...   
No, I don't even understand it anymore. This hatred is too deep to even try and explain. It's jealousy, it's anger, it's longing. 

_If you swallow just a little pride   
You might find a little love inside   
Open up and let somebody in_

All I wanted was some attention from you, something else than your hatred. 

_'Cause if you need somebody   
You know it's not a sin_

I hate you so much, that I can't live without you. Why couldn't you...   
Why couldn't _I_ see it?   
Without even knowing it, I've passed that thin line. I need you, no matter if you hate me or not. What I feel is something more and less than hatred.   
This is sick. You hate me, even now. I hate you... don't I?   
I don't know anything anymore. I need you, that's all I can understand. 

_..._

And all I can do now is sit here, hoping that you will wake up, hit me and call me an idiot, this one last time. And then I could tell you how I feel. 

_Rusty angels, they can't fly   
Rusty angels, gonna die   
...   
You can't fly_

* * *

Hiryu's Post-productive Rant: 

I haven't got much to say. I just heard this song and instantly **knew** what to write. Simple, ne?   
Anyways, R&R! Constructive criticisms welcome. If you want to give me flames, you know where you can shove them.   
That would be all until my next fic, or Third Impact, whichever comes first. Knowing my writing skills and speed, I'll bet on TI... ;) 

* * *

**Tirade of a Demented Dragon **  
or  
Hiryu's Unproductive Rant, for FFN only 

Finally, after all the problems with uploading, I managed to put this up. I sure hope I won't get dressed down like the last time... I don't mind being criticized, but when someone says, "You shouldn't have written it", or even better: "Stop writing", I just want to personally tell that person what I think of them.   
Okay, Kaga, you've gotten optimistic and reviewer-friendly again ;) , you better stop. Now. 

This fic appeared courtesy of the 11th Angel, who actually stopped bugging FFN for a moment... 


End file.
